Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
