Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
