He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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