i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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