help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
