I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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