You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
