I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
