Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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