Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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