GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
