i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
