Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
