The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
