Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
