I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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