if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
