Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
