she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
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He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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