I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
