fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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