My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
