I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
