OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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