John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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