new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
