At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
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