Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
