He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Drunk is a universal language darling
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