I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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