Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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