I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
