Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
