So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
