But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
