He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
