That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
