I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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