I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
