OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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