I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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