Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
