i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
