My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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