How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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