You can't special order awesome
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
