Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize