everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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