I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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