Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
