Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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