i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
