So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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