I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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