I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
