Moan for me like Helen Keller
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
