she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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