im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
