last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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