And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
