My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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