no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
