I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
