that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
