probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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