Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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