THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
