he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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