his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
