did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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