I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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