Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
