I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
