i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
