Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
